Truths About Akatsuki
by Silver Curiosity
Summary: Sasuke was bored so he decided to go to the Akatsuki lair and find out what's up. But Naruto followed. All Sasuke wanted to do was see why the Akatsuki weren't attacking Konoha, but he never expected this, and neither did Naruto... No pairings...yet.
1. Chapter 1

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a/n: Hi peoples!!! Wow. This is my sixth fanfic. The longest Chapter 1 I've ever written... Wow...

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Truths About Akatsuki

It had been a while since the Akatsuki had caused any trouble. Sasuke had gotten a bit suspicious of this. So he decided to find their new secret hide out and retrieve some useful info.

Sasuke had been planning this little trip of his so much that he had a plan for almost any case scenario that might occur. He even came across the secret location of their hide out. He was just about to head out when he heard a loud, obnoxious voice yell out, "SASUKE, YOU TEME, WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!"

Sasuke stopped short. He cringed as he heard thunderous footsteps charge in his direction from behind him. He slowly turned around to see the blond stop in front of him. He groaned and closed his eyes out of frustration.

"Naruto, why the _hell_ are you here?" Sasuke asked impatiently.

"More importantly, why the hell are YOU here?!"

"That's none of your damn business! Move," ordered the Uchiha, pushing Naruto aside and making him fall. He ran off into the woods before Naruto could even get up.

"Stupid teme," muttered the blond. He stood up and looked toward the direction that Sasuke had run towards. A smile grew across the boy's face as he headed in the same direction.

**XxX xXx xXx**

At the Akatsuki lair, Itachi had just taken a nice warm bath. He was about to enter his room when Kisame screamed like a little girl and ran into him. Itachi glared at him.

"Kisame, why are you running around in a tutu screaming like a little girl?" he asked as he began to activate his Mangekyou Sharingan.

"Itachi! There's something REALLY scary in my room!" Kisame cried in despair.

"But that doesn't answer my question, Kisame."

"Uhh…I was screaming 'cause I saw somethin' scary and…" Kisame gulped as he foresaw a year of being tortured by the Mangekyou Sharingan. He didn't want Barney singing to him ever again. He shuddered and continued. "And I'm wearing a tutu 'cause…I hate ballet."

"How ironic," said Itachi, looking down at his bathrobe with red cloud imprints on it and rearranging it so it felt more comfortable. "You're wearing a tutu because you hate ballet."

Sweat poured down Kisame's blue face as Itachi extended his arm toward him and rested his hand on the fish's shoulder. Itachi smirked and said, "Oh, Kisame, it's alright if you're gay."

Kisame blinked. "What?"

The Uchiha grinned. "Don't try hiding it. I put a camera in your room, smart one. You've been under surveillance for the past three months, and let me tell you, you're entertaining." Itachi started to laugh as Kisame's face went from blue to beet red.

"Y-You're kidding…right?" Kisame stammered.

"But, no, my friend. And it's all going on Youtube, too," Itachi said calmly. Kisame's face fell. "Y-Youtube?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

**XxX xXx XxX**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Sasuke stopped in his tracks and looked around. He had, for the first time, heard a scream from a male that was girlier than his own. "Oh, thank you, Lord! Thank you for finally making some other guy's screams girlier than mine!" Sasuke shouted, praying to God.

Then he regained his normal calmness and noticed that the scream had come from the direction that the Akatsuki lair was hidden. This seemed kind of suspicious. The Akatsuki had feminine sides? (Not that Sasuke has a feminine side…or so he says)

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Sasuke: (Smacks author upside the head)

Author: What'd you do that for, fool?!

Sasuke: I don't have a feminine side!

Author: (mutters) Yeah right…

Sasuke: (Smacks author upside the head again) I heard that!!

Author: Ow! What was that for, stupid?!

Sasuke: I DON'T GOT A FEMENINE SIDE!

Author: SHUT UP! I'm the author, got it?! That means I can make you die if I felt like it! So SHUT UP and let me write!

Sasuke: (sulks) Fine.

* * *

Sasuke quickened his pace, and in no time, had reached the Akatsuki lair. Naruto, on the other hand, had gotten stuck in a thorn bush and lost sight of Sasuke, so he headed in the wrong direction for a while, but found him just as he entered the Akatsuki's hide out.

"I found Sasuke!" Naruto excitedly said to himself. He crept into the hide out, following Sasuke.

Sasuke never noticed the blond boy shadowing him. (Probably 'cause it was so dark.) But Naruto lost track of how far ahead Sasuke was, so he lost all trace of him soon afterwards.

The raven-haired boy soon arrived at a long hallway. At the end of the hallway were two more hallways, one stretching out to his left, and the other leading somewhere to his right.

"Alright," Sasuke muttered to himself. "I'll choose which hallway to take the scientific way: Eenie Meenie Miney Moe!" He ended up choosing the left hallway. (Actually, he chose the right hallway, but a slight breeze knocked him down and he fell towards the left hallway, and he believed it was destiny.) Sasuke slowly walked down this new hallway, making sure not to foolishly fall into any obvious traps. He kept glancing behind him, so at one point, he forgot to look in front of him and smacked into a wall that was clearly visible. He fell to the ground.

"Ow, my beautiful, elegant, bird-butt hair!" Sasuke complained. He stood up and looked at the wall. There was so much dust on it that there was an imprint shaped exactly like him in the exact place he had hit the wall.

"Well, you know what they say," Sasuke thought aloud, brushing his imprint away. "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

Meanwhile

Naruto walked up to the two hallways and wondered which one Sasuke had taken. Using the feeling in his gut, he chose the right hallway. He walked down the dark hallway for what seemed like hours (but was actually a couple of seconds) and finally saw some light ahead.

"Thank God! Light!" Naruto exclaimed. "I've been in here for so many freakin' centuries!" He walked up to the room that the light was coming from and walked right in without taking any precaution.

Itachi and Kisame turned to the idiot. Naruto looked up at the two Akatsuki members and noticed how the blue fishy was wearing a pink tutu. They just stared at each other for a few moments, then Naruto said, "Oops. I think I took a wrong turn," and walked right out. Itachi and Kisame watched the Kyuubi's container walk out and dismissed his existence as a hallucination.

"Where the hell is Sasuke?!" they heard Naruto say from down the hall, but they dismissed it as "hearing things". Itachi turned back to Kisame and grinned as he walked to his computer.

"No, Itachi! Please! I beg you, don't put those things on the internet for the whole world to see!" Kisame pleaded. "I'll be embarrassed as hell!"

"That's the point," replied Itachi, not looking away from the screen. Kisame's face fell. He sighed in defeat, knowing that there was nothing he could do to stop Itachi unless he wanted him to Mangekyou Sharingan his ass.

"Heh heh heh." Itachi laughed evilly as he started downloading surveillance videos of Kisame onto Youtube. Kisame covered his face, not wanting to see all the idiotic things he's done in the past three months. When he heard his voice from one of the videos sing, "I'm too sexy for my shirt, I'm too sexy for my pants, I'm too sexy for my—"

"AAAAAUUUUUGGGHHHH!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Kisame cried, covering his ears and closing his eyes so he wouldn't be able to witness any more of his own stupidity. He ran in a random direction, which happened to be the direction of an open window, and he fell out the window.

"OMFG SOMEBODY HELP ME! I'M GONNA DIE!"

Itachi ignored him and continued to have fun downloading the rest of the videos onto Youtube. But first, he decided to close the door.

**XxX xXx XxX**

Sasuke walked back to the right hallway and started to walk into the darkness. After a couple of seconds, he saw a light up ahead. He was only a few yards away from it when it slowly started to vanish. The light had come from a room, and some damned idiot was closing the door to that room! Sasuke screamed, "No! Don't close the—"

The last ray of light diminished, leaving him in darkness. "—door." Sasuke finished flatly. He sighed and walked up to the door (well, he _thought_ it was the door) and knocked. It was actually a wall.

"What fool knocks on a wall?" Itachi wondered aloud, but dismissed this too as "hearing things".

When no one replied to his knocks, Sasuke gave up and continued walking down the pitch-black hall. And tripped down stairs. And smacked into several walls (or, at least he _thought _they were walls). And he's pretty sure he stepped on some rodents. And an elephant. Who knows why there was an elephant in there, but there was, so deal with it.

Sasuke damned the darkness for a while until he realized that it was doing no good. Then he decided to actually do something about it. He reached into his backpack and pulled out a flashlight. He pushed the switch, but nothing happened. He slapped his hand onto his face.

"I knew I forgot something!" he moaned as he threw the flashlight back into his backpack. He had a flashlight, but he didn't have any batteries, so it was completely useless (just like its owner).

After rummaging through his pocket for a bit, he found a match. It took him an hour to ignite the match, and when he did, he burned both his middle fingers like a fool.

"Ah, damn it! I burned the useful fingers!" he exclaimed as he furiously blew on his fingers to cool them down.

All the racket he made was noticed by Zetsu, who was trying to sleep in the room next door to the one Sasuke was currently in. The plant was irritated by all the noise, so he decided to check out the origin of the noise and eat it.

He opened the door, letting light flood the room. Sasuke looked at the door and screamed as Zetsu stepped in.

"God damn it, you cretin, shut up!" Zetsu hollered.

Sasuke immediately shut his mouth, and started shivering with fear. Zetsu narrowed his eyes at Sasuke and asked through gritted teeth, "What is it now?"

Sasuke gulped and looked up at the half-black, half-white face of Zetsu's and stammered, "Y-You're D-D-D-Drac-Dracula! I don't want to die—"

"DRACULA?!" Zetsu screamed, interrupting the Uchiha. "YOU THINK I'M _DRACULA_?! WHAT KIND OF DRACULA IS GREEN, YOU FREAKIN' RETARD?!"

Sasuke took a step back, trying to get away from fuming plant, but he stumbled over his backpack, which was on the ground, and fell. He fell down another staircase that was behind him, screaming as he tumbled down.

"Again with the screaming!" Zetsu shouted down the stairs. He turned around and walked back into his room, muttering, "I should've eaten him on the spot. I would've, but the idiot started saying all that Dracula crap! Wait. Wasn't that Sasuke Uchiha? Itachi's little brother? Wasn't I supposed to kill him as soon as I saw him? Wasn't I ordered to do that by Itachi? Oh, who gives a damn about what Itachi wants anymore?! Oh, wait, I do. 'Cause I don't want him to Mangekyou Sharingan my ass! Damn, I would've eaten Sasuke after all that Dracula crap, but he just had to go and fall down those stupid stairs! _I_ don't even do that any more!"

_Yes you do, Zetsu._

"Huh?" Zetsu looked around for the owner mysterious voice, but there was no one else there. "Who said that? Show yourself, coward!"

_Then look in a mirror._

"Why? I'd only see myself!"

_Exactly._

"But I still don't know who you are!"

_If I told you you'd see me when you look at a mirror, who do you think I could possibly be?_

"Um…a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"

_No, fool! I'm you! You're inner self!_

"You're inside me?! But you should be dead! Everything I eat dies! If you're not dead, then get out!" Zetsu put his finger in his mouth and started to make himself vomit. "Get…out!"

_You freakin' idiot, I'm that voice in your head. The one that talks to you and only you. 'Cause I'm you! Your true feelings and beliefs. The real you that you don't show to the world. Actually, I'm the smart you. You're the dumb you._

"OH MY GAWD! THERE'S SOMETHING IN MY HEAD THAT THINKS IT'S ME! GET IT OUT!" Zetsu ran around in circles and started smacking his head against a wall. "Getoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetoutgetout!"

_How stupid can you be?! I don't actually exist! Well not in reality, but in a way, I do._

"AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHH!!!" screamed Zetsu.

_Oh, I give up. You're too stupid. I'll shut up from now on._

Zetsu stopped screaming. "A-Are you gone?"

_Yes._

"AAAAAHHHH! I HEARD YOU AGAIN!" And with that, Zetsu fainted.

At the bottom of the stairs Sasuke fell down

"Damn, I fell down more stairs!" Sasuke rubbed his head and turned to the stairs. He was about to go back up and give Zetsu an atomic wedgie for making him fall down the stairs when he heard Zetsu scream, "OH MY GAWD! THERE'S SOMETHING IN MY HEAD THAT THINKS IT'S ME! GET IT OUT!"

"Okaaaay," Sasuke said slowly. "Looks like someone's got mental problems, and this time, it's not me." He walked away from the stairs and pretended that nothing happened. After a few minutes of going through door after door, room after room, corridor after corridor, he realized that he was lost.

"Man, I should've kept track of where I was going!" Sasuke muttered to no one in particular. "Hmm. I wonder where Itachi is. I still haven't seen him."

**XxX xXx XxX**

Naruto walked in darkness for a while until he heard an "Achoo! Un." He walked toward the sound, thinking that that was the weirdest sneeze he had ever heard. Then he heard something else.

"Deidara-senpai! I'm here!"

"No, Tobi, get away, un! Can't you see I'm busy? I need privacy, un!"

"But, Deidara-senpai! A year and a week ago, you told me you'd play with me a week from next year and it's the week from next year!"

"It is? Damn, un."

Naruto walked into the room that he heard these voices coming from. And walked right back out. It was the bathroom. Deidara was taking a bath, and Tobi had invaded his privacy. Naruto was disgusted.

"Oh my God, un!" Deidara exclaimed. "Was that Naruto Uzumaki, un?!"

"I don't know, Deidara-senpai," replied Tobi. "But I'm a good boy."

"Does Itachi-san know about this, un?!"

"I don't know, Deidara-senpai, but I'm a good boy."

"What about Zets— AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"What is it, Deidara-senpai?"

"Who used up all the freakin' hot water, un?!"

"I don't know, Deidara-senpai, but I'm a good boy," said Tobi.

From somewhere upstairs, Itachi yelled, "WASN'T ME!" even though it was.

"YES IT WAS! IT'S ALWAYS YOU, UN!" Deidara shouted back. He reached over for a bar of soap, but discovered that it was gone. "Alright, WHO finished my soap, un?!

"I don't know, Deidara-sen—" Tobi started, but Deidara interrupted. "Well, then what _do_ you know, un?"

"I don't know, Dei—"

"Shut up, un."

"Okay, Deidara-senpai."

"Good, un." With that, Deidara continued to take his bath, until he noticed that Tobi was still there. "What're you standing there watching me take a bath for? Get out, un!"

"Okay, Deidara-senpai," Tobi said, obeying the blond. As soon as Tobi closed the bathroom door, he saw Naruto sitting on the floor, muttering to himself.

"Hi, Naruto-senpai," Tobi greeted.

Naruto looked up at the newest Akatsuki member. "Did you just call me 'senpai'?"

"Yes, Naruto-senpai," answered Tobi. He walked over to Naruto and sat down next to him. "Why are you here?"

"I was following Sasuke-teme," said Naruto. "I didn't know he was coming _here_. If I did, then I would have trailed him better, and wouldn't have lost track of him."

"I see," said Tobi. He stood up and helped Naruto up. "C'mon, Naruto-senpai, let's find Sasuke-teme!"

"Okay!" agreed Naruto. He began to follow Tobi down a narrow corridor. "Ya know, you're not as bad as the other Akatsukis."

"I'm a good boy," was Tobi's reply.

Wherever Sasuke is

"Didn't I just pass this door a minute ago?" Sasuke wondered aloud. He opened the door to find a small room that looked exactly like many of the other rooms he had passed so far. There was another door on the other side of the room. When Sasuke opened the door, he saw a corridor that looked exactly like the one he had stepped out of a few moments ago.

"I give up!" Sasuke groaned as he slumped down against a wall. He rested his head on his arms which were folded on bended knees. He sighed, then started to fall asleep.

"SASUKE, YOU TEME, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HERE?!"

Sasuke cringed as he heard an all too familiar thunderous stomping coming his way. But this time was a little different. There was someone else with the dobe. Sasuke lifted his head and looked up to see the feet of Naruto and someone else's stop an inch from his own. He looked up and saw Naruto's big grin and a mask.

"Who are y—" Sasuke started to say, but he noticed the figure wearing a black cloak with red cloud imprints. "You're one of the Akatsuki! You're Tobi!"

"Yes, I am a good boy," said Tobi.

"Why are you with Naruto?!" asked Sasuke.

"Because Naruto-senpai wanted me to help find you, Sasuke-teme," answered Tobi. Sasuke looked shocked.

"Did you just call that blond fool a-a-a s-senpai?!"

"Yes, Sasuke-teme."

"And you just called me a teme."

"Yes Sasuke-teme."

"Okay, let me get this straight, you call that moron a senpai, but you call _me_ a _teme_?!"

"Yes, Sasuke-teme."

Naruto pointed at Tobi and smiled. "He's the nicest Akatsuki member I've ever met!"

"I find him annoying," muttered Sasuke. Tobi frowned (even though you couldn't tell). Naruto, noticing this (who knows how he did), glared at Sasuke and said, "No one asked you, so shut up! Don't hurt Tobi's feelings!"

"Oh, so now you're calling him _Tobi_?!" Sasuke shouted.

"What else would I call him?!" Naruto screamed back. "His _name_ is Tobi!"

Sasuke thought about this for a moment. "Oh, right, never mind." He stood up and stared at Naruto for a moment, then he finally realized that Naruto didn't come with him in the first place, and yet, he was here.

"Naruto, why the hell are you here?!"

"'Cause I followed you here!"

"Why didn't I notice?!"

"I don't know, Sasuke-teme," answered Tobi. "But I'm a good boy."

"Why are _you _here?!" Naruto asked Sasuke.

"I don't know, Naruto-senpai, but I'm a good boy."

"Why are you answering a question directed to me?" Sasuke asked Tobi.

"I don't know, Sasuke-teme, but I'm a good boy."

"Why do you keep saying 'I don't know'" Naruto asked Tobi.

"I don't know, Naruto-senpai, but I'm a good boy."

"Why the hell are you even here having a conversation with us?" Sasuke asked Tobi, frustrated. "Aren't you a part of the Akatsuki? You should be trying to capture Naruto, and trying to kill me!"

"I don't know, Sasuke-teme, but I'm a good boy."

"THEN WHAT THE HELL _DO_ YOU KNOW?!" Naruto and Sasuke both shouted out.

"I don't know, Naruto-senpai, Sasuke-teme, but I'm a good boy."

All the racket had drawn the attention of Hidan, who was trying to pray and be religious and stuff. He stormed through a wall and up to Naruto, Sasuke, and Tobi.

"Why the hell are you two making so much noise?! You two don't even belong in here!" Hidan screamed. "And Tobi! Why are you making noise with them?! You can't even pray anymore these days!" He stomped off to another room and slammed the door.

"That was…weird," Sasuke stated.

"That was…strange," Naruto stated.

"That was Hidan," Tobi said matter-of-factly.

"Oh" was the response of the two Konoha ninja.

"I think I'll go see Deidara-senpai now!" Tobi declared.

"Wait, Tobi!" cried Sasuke.

"Tobi, don't—" Naruto started, but just then, Tobi disappeared in a cloud of smoke. "—go."

"Great! Just great!" Sasuke complained. "Now we're lost!"

"You've always been lost," commented Naruto.

"Well, so have you!" Sasuke shot back. They both sighed and slumped against a wall. Sasuke looked at Naruto and asked, "Now what?"

Naruto shrugged and started fiddling with a small object that he had taken out of his pocket.

"What's that?" asked Sasuke out of curiosity.

"Exploding note," Naruto answered without looking up.

"Gimme that. I just got an idea," said Sasuke. Naruto handed the exploding note to Sasuke. The raven-haired boy smiled, studying the device. He walked over to the wall and tucked the small piece of paper in a small crevice.

"Naruto, get back!" Sasuke shouted.

"What?" asked Naruto, just as the note exploded, sending the broken pieces of the wall crashing down on Naruto. Sasuke, who had jumped back earlier, screamed out, "Naruto!" as the dobe was buried underneath the pile of rubble.

And then…

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**a/n: I left you readers there at a little cliffie, huh. Hee hee. Don't worry, I'll try to update soon! And MORE truths will be revealed!!!!! So please give reviews!**


	2. Chapter 2

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a/n: YAY! The second chapter! I'm trying to make the chapters kinda long, so it takes some more time, but here it is! I hope you like it!

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**Chapter 2**

"Damn it!" Kisame shouted, holding onto a ledge of a windowsill that was starting to crumble from Kisame's ridiculous weight (Kisame smacks author for supposedly calling him "fat", but I never said that!). No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't swing himself back up to the window.

"Kisame? Is that you, fool?"

Kisame groaned as Kakuzu approached him. "No it's not!" Kisame shouted down to him.

"It's not?" Kakuzu asked in confusion. He shrugged. "Oh, ok," he said, and walked away. Kisame sighed and had a few happy moments when he finally realized that Kakuzu could've helped him down.

"Wait, Kakuzu!" Kisame cried out desperately. "Don't leave! I need your help!" But Kakuzu was already gone. Kisame groaned once again, and from that simple movement, the window ledge gave away, sending Kisame tumbling towards really sharp rock spires that were located underneath him.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed in horror. A loud thud followed, and then an "OOOOOWWWWWWWW!"

**XxX xXx XxX**

"N-Naruto?" Sasuke whispered after all the rubble had fallen. There was no reply. "Dobe? A-Are you there?"

Still no reply.

Sasuke slowly walked over to the pile of rubble on the ground and looked down at it. He immediately started moving pieces of rock and debris away, looking for Naruto, all the while saying, "Naruto? NARUTO?"

All of a sudden, the remaining debris all flew up into the air and showered down on Sasuke. "Yeeeeeeoooowwww!" Sasuke screamed in pain. He threw some off of him and looked at the space all the debris had been on just a moment ago. There sat Naruto, rubbing his head and muttering, "Ow, my head! Stupid Sasuke! He could've warned me earlier, but no! It's like he wants me to die or something!"

* * *

Author: Maybe he does.

Naruto: Sasuke, you ass!

Sasuke: Who's an ass?!

Author: (Hits both fools' asses with her awesome laser vision)

Sasuke and Naruto: (Slaps author)

Author: Whatja do that for?!

Sasuke: You don't have any awesome laser vision!

Author: Why not?!

Naruto: 'Cause that would make you more awesomer than us, and we're the main characters!

Author: So? I _am_ awesomer than you two.

Naruto and Sasuke: (Glares at Author)

Author: (Sulks) Oh, fine!

* * *

Sasuke grew so angry that he charged at Naruto and smacked him to Kingdom Come. But the people in Kingdom Come didn't like Naruto, so they threw him back at Sasuke.

"Oof!" Sasuke said as Naruto collided into him. "You dumbass!"

"Heh heh…sorry, Sasuke…"

"Freakin' retard…Grrr…"

"'Grrr' my ass, Sasuke!"

"You can kiss mine!"

"Not before you—"

"QUIET!" someone screamed from the distance, interrupting Naruto.

"Hey, that sounds like Hidan," Sasuke thought aloud. Naruto agreed, but they didn't really care. They turned a corner and started walking down yet another dim corridor. The strange thing about this corridor that was different than all the other corridors and hallways were that there were so many doors on either side of it.

"Sasuke, shouldn't we check out what's behind all these doors?" asked Naruto.

"No," responded Sasuke.

"Well, why not?"

"'Cause I say so."

"And why do I have to listen to _you_?"

"'Cause I can Mangekyou Sharingan your ass whenever I feel like Mangekyou Sharinganing you ass."

"No you can't!"

"Why not?"

"'Cause you don't have the freakin' "Mangekyou Sharingan!"

This hit Sasuke like a rock. Well, actually, a rock hit Sasuke, so…yeah.

"Ow! What's the big idea throwing a rock at me all of a sudden?!" Sasuke screamed to the air.

"Uh, Sasuke? There's no one there," Naruto pointed out.

"Oh, right," Sasuke said after thinking for a minute. "Whatever."

"Why were we arguing again?" asked Naruto.

Sasuke shrugged. "I forgot."

The two shinobi continued walking down the corridor. Sasuke stopped and looked back at Naruto. "We were arguing?"

"We were arguing? When?"

"Ugh, never mind."

Sasuke turned around and started down the corridor again. Naruto followed.

Meanwhile 

Tobi appeared in the bathroom in a cloud of smoke just as Deidara was about get out of the bathtub.

"TOBI-UN??!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!"

"Hi Deidara-senpai!" Tobi squealed with excitement. "Guess what! Guess what!"

Deidara ignored him and sank back down in the warm waters of his bathtub.

"Deidara-senpai! Deidara-senpai! Guess what! Guess what!"

Deidara groaned, but continued to ignore him.

Then Tobi started to say, "Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senpai, Deidara-senp—"

"WHAT, UN?!" Deidara screamed, interrupting Tobi.

"Guess what, Deidara-senpai!"

"What, un?!"

"Hi."

"THAT'S ALL, UN?!"

"No, Deidara-senpai, I also wanted to say—"

Deidara extended his arms towards Tobi's throat and started to choke him. "You bothered me for all that time just to say HI, UN?!"

Tobi released himself from Deidara's grip and said, "No, I had something else to say, too."

Deidara groaned. "What, un?"

"I met Naruto-senpai in the castle today!" Tobi said excitedly.

"Good for you, un."

"And Sasuke-teme, too!"

"That's nice, u—WHAT?!"

"What's wrong, Deidara-senpai?" Tobi asked innocently. Deidara put on his bathrobe, jumped out of the bathtub, slipped on some water, stood up again, and started to shake Tobi violently.

"Did you just say you saw Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha in the castle, un?!" Deidara cried in despair.

"Nooooooo," Tobi answered. "I said I saw Naruto-_senpai_ and Sasuke-_teme_ in the castle!"

"Oh my freakin' God, un!"

"Is something wrong, Deidara-senpai?"

"No, Tobi, nothing's wrong—of course something's wrong, un! You didn't annihilate Naruto and Sasuke when you saw them, un! Now I'm gonna get Mangekyou Sharingan'd!"

"So what, Deidara-senpai?"

"'SO WHAT'?! If Itachi finds out, I'm gonna get my ass Mangekyou Sharingan'd, that's what!"

"Oh, I see!"

"You really understand?!" Deidara exclaimed, astonished.

"No."

"Ugh, you're hopeless."

"Okay, Deidara-senpai!"

"…"

**piepiepiepiepiepiepiepiepiepiepiepiepiepiepiepiepiepie**

Zetsu woke up and looked around, completely forgetting about what had happened earlier. He was trying VERY hard to remember what happened before he passed out, but he just couldn't recall anything.

The green plant sighed and decided to go eat somebody. That's when it all started rushing into his head: Sasuke, eating Sasuke, the weird voice, eating Sasuke, him screaming like a retard, eating Sasuke, fainting like a fool, and eating Sasuke. Zetsu shivered and edged back into a dark corner.

"I-Is anyone th-there?" the scared plant stammered.

_I'm here._

"OH MY GOD!" Zetsu screamed in horror. "YOU'RE REAL!"

_Of course I am, fool. Now stop screaming._

"I-I THOUGHT I WAS D-DREAMING!"

_Oh, you still think I'm something you ate?_

"I ATE YOU?! OH MY FREAKIN' GOD! YOU'RE THE GHOST OF SOMEONE I ATE! I'M SORRY! I DON'T WANNA BE MOLESTED BY A GHOST AGAIN!"

…_Again?_

"Oh, you didn't here that."

_Okaaaaaay…I don't know why I didn't know about this part of your life—not that I want to know—but considering that I'm you and all…_

"YOU'RE ME?! OH MY FREAKIN' GOD! THAT MEANS I ATE MYSELF! AND THAT MEANS MY GHOST WANTS TO MOLEST ME! I WANNA MOLEST MYSELF?!"

_Whoa, speak about yourself. I'm not getting dragged into another one of your stupid situations again._

"'ANOTHER'?! 'AGAIN'?! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN INSIDE ME?!"

_Since you were born._

"I ATE MYSELF WHEN I WAS BORN?! HOLY CRAP!"

…_This is pointless. You're just too stupid. I'm gonna ignore you from now on._

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

_What're you yelling for now, fool?!_

"OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!"

_Damn. You won't ever shut up, will you?_

"YOU—I MEAN I—JUST TALKED TO ME AGAIN! AAAAAAAHHH!"

_I'll take that as a 'no'._

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

_Fool._

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

_Ugh._

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

**sugarhighsugarhighsugarhighsugarhighsugarhighsugarhigh**

The Akatsuki leader was walking down a corridor, planning to check on all the other Akatsuki members when he heard "TEME, YOU GOT US LOST AGAIN!"

He cautiously approached the door that the voice had come from and put his ear to it. A different voice screamed, "ME?! I KNOW WHERE WE ARE, DOBE!"

"THEN WHERE ARE WE?!"

"HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW!"

"SO WE'RE LOST!"

"NO! WE'RE JUST NOT FOUND!"

"STUPID TEME!"

"STUPID DOBE!"

The leader heard footsteps heading his way from the other side of the door. He was about to get up and sneak away quickly when the door flung open, sending him tumbling to the far end of the corridor. "Oof, oof, oof, oof, oof, oof, oof!"

"What was that?" Sasuke asked Naruto. Naruto shrugged and they started walking down the corridor in the opposite direction.

The leader finally stopped rolling on the ground and smacked into the wall with an extremely loud "OOF!" He stood up and glared at the darkness of the corridor. If the two intruders were there now, they would've been melting from his awesome laser vision.

* * *

Author: HOLD IT!

Leader: Why? Continue the story!

Jiraiya: Yea!

Author: (Looks at Jiraiya) Who said you could be here?

Jiraiya: No one.

Author: So get out.

Jiraiya: Fine. (Disappears in a cloud of smoke.)

Leader: Continue the freakin story! I was using my awesome laser vision!

Author: HOLD IT!

Leader: Why?

Author: Why do you get awesome laser vision when I don't?

Leader: 'Cause I'm awesome.

Author: I can make you marry a wart.

Leader: OH MY GOD I'M SORRY! I DON'T HAVE LASER VISION! I'M SORRY! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME MARRY A WART!

Author: That's what I thought.

* * *

But the leader didn't have any laser vision, so it didn't even matter. He was going to order Zetsu to capture them and eat them, but he had heard Zetsu scream some things that proved that he had issues, so he just decided to go after them himself.

The Leader caught up to the intruders in a matter of minutes and recognized them as ninjas from Konoha, specifically, Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha. "How did they get in here?!" he muttered with rage. "Are all the other Akatsukis as blind as Itachi?!"

_Yes._

The Leader looked around, and noticing no one, asked out loud, "Who's there?"

_Me._

"You sound strangely like Zetsu, except it seems like you're in my head."

_I _am_ Zetsu. Well, his inner self. He was getting kinda mental, so I beat up your inner self and took his place in your conscience._

"…"

_In other words, now I, Zetsu's inner self, am your inner self._

"…"

_I like you. You're quiet. Unlike that fool Zetsu._

The leader smacked himself and waited to see if he could hear the weird voice that sounded like Zetsu that seemed to be coming from his head. He didn't hear anything, so he sighed in relief and decided that he was dreaming the previous conversation that he just had with the supposed 'Zetsu's inner self'. The Leader continued walking.

_You think you're dreaming? Fool. You're just as stupid as Zetsu._

The Leader froze. He heard the voice again, so maybe he wasn't dreaming. "Wait! Did you just say that _I_ was as stupid as _Zetsu_?!"

_Yes._

"How dare you?! You can't say that to me!"

_I already did._

"Oh, so you're a smartass, now, huh?!"

_At least I ain't a dumbass like you._

"Are you dissing me?!"

_No, 'course not._

"You're lying!"

_No duh. Note the sarcasm in my voice._

"Oh my god, I think I'm crazy."

'_Think'? You should know that you are._

"THAT WAS ANOTHER DISS!"

**XxX xXx XxX**

"Great, another dead end," muttered Sasuke, staring at the—yeah, you guessed it—the dead end. He looked back at Naruto and sighed in disgust. The blond was poking at dust bunnies that lined the walls and sneezing as they blew into his nose. "You are SO useless, dobe."

"What was that, teme?!"

"You heard me!"

"I may be useless, but at least I'm not FAT! LIKE YOU!"

"WHO'S FAT?!"

"TEME!"

"DOBE!"

"**QUIET!**" screamed a voice from the distance.

Naruto looked up at Sasuke and asked, "Wasn't that Hidan?" Sasuke shrugged saying "Oh, who cares?" and sat down beside Naruto.

"This is pointless!" the Uchiha mumbled in exasperation.

"You're pointless!" Naruto muttered.

"Whaddya mean _I'm_ pointless?! At least I have a life."

"What?! I have a life!"

"Yea, a life that revolves completely around ramen and ramen only!"

"Yea, well I'm not the one who lives under a rock!"

"I may just live under a rock, but you live under a rock in a really deep cave far away from any form of civilization!"

"Well-Well…Well at least I'm not fat!" Naruto said lamely.

"But I'm not fat…"

"…"

"…"

"Oh."

"Stupid," Sasuke mumbled, looking away from Naruto.

"I heard that," Naruto muttered angrily.

Sasuke stood up and sighed. "We have to stop arguing with each other."

"No, _you _have to stop arguing with _me_."

"No, _you're_ the one who always turns everything I say into a freakin' argument!"

"THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU KEEP DISSING ME!"

"I DISS YOU 'CAUSE YOU'RE SO DISSABLE!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M 'DISSABLE'?!"

"YOU ARE!"

"TEME!"

"DOBE!"

"**QUIET!**" screamed an all too familiar voice.

"Does he ever shut up?!" Naruto shouted.

"No," said Sasuke, and Naruto nodded his head in agreement.

"You don't ever shut up either," Naruto pointed out.

"Whaddya mean I don't ever—" Sasuke started, but he sighed out of frustration and said, "This is what I mean! You started this argument!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did not!" Sasuke said.

"Did too!" said Naruto, just saying the opposite of what Sasuke said without thinking.

"Hah! You just admitted that it was you!" Sasuke said with a grin. He thought that Naruto would just shut up and sulk now, but boy was he wrong.

"Hey, that's not fair! YOU TRICKED ME!"

"It's your own fault for falling for it."

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"See?! You started this argument!"

"No, you did!"

"You started arguing with me and I didn't even diss you this time!" Sasuke screamed.

"Really? Oh."

"Wow," Sasuke said in amazement. "You're so dumb."

"You're dumb!"

"You're hopeless." Sasuke had given up.

"YOU'RE HOPELESS!" Naruto screamed.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" screamed Hidan.

And they both shut up and started walking down a long staircase.

To be continued...

* * *

**a/n: How was that? It took a while to think of and write. Since it takes so long to write and everything, I'll continue if I get atleast 5 reviews. It's not hard! It's really easy! **


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